Sea turtles are nature’s gentle giants—slow and awkward on land, but underwater, they glide with poetic grace. Their faces, often adorned with a sweet, almost serene expression, suggest a mantra of peace, love, and goodwill. They coexist peacefully with other marine creatures, embodying the zen spirit of the ocean. But apparently, that harmony has its limits—specifically, when it comes to male tourists in pink swimming trunks.
Yes, you read that right.
In Florida, a curious and slightly hilarious phenomenon began unfolding during the tourist season. Reports started trickling in from male beachgoers who had ventured out for a casual snorkel or scuba dive, only to be… well, accosted by male loggerhead turtles. It started innocently enough—one call here, a strange story there. But soon, naturalists and marine biologists were fielding a flood of bizarre reports: men claiming they’d been roughed up by sea turtles.
Now, if I’m a naturalist receiving one of these calls, my first thought is, “Sure, buddy. You’re just pulling my flipper.” But then another call comes in. And another. Suddenly, it’s not just a prank or an isolated incident—it’s a full-blown mystery begging for some serious investigation.
Could turtles be pulling off the ultimate prank? Telepathically conspiring to target tourists with an oddly specific vendetta? Maybe they’d become extremely farsighted and confused a neon pink trunk for a fellow loggerhead? It seemed improbable. After all, even the squattiest, gruffest human male lacks that unmistakable armored appearance of a sea turtle.
As it turns out, the answer was far simpler—and a whole lot funnier.
The pink swimming trunks? They weren’t just a bold fashion choice. They were a mating trigger. Yes, the color pink somehow signaled to the male loggerheads that a potential mate was nearby. One minute, unsuspecting divers were marveling at the beauty of the undersea world, and the next, they were being… enthusiastically greeted by 350 pounds of amorous aquatic masculinity.
Imagine returning from a relaxing dive only to explain that you’d been “picked up” by a sea turtle. It’s the kind of experience that might make even the most extroverted tourist reconsider their social life. I don’t know about you, but faced with the idea of sharing that kind of story, I might just take the path of least resistance and draw into my shell—so to speak.
But hey, every vacation needs a story, right?
Catch Season 3, Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs for all this and more—because suburban life is never boring. Listen to Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite platform, 🎧 like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-episode-54-were-at-loggerheads-with-dress-codes/id1669816704?i=1000688509771
