Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast
It’s like hanging out with two great friends on a road trip through life as they navigate ridiculous detours, side trips and pop culture experiences. Their humor and undeniable chemistry, comes from a two-decade friendship, infused with Greg’s experience as a touring comic and sketch comedy writer and Andy’s career as an audio engineer for acts as diverse as John Mellencamp, Aerosmith, and Bob and Tom. Laughter Supplied Snacks Not Included
Ride along with two great friends on a road trip through life as they navigate ridiculous detours, side trips and pop culture experiences.
Their humor and undeniable chemistry comes from a two decade friendship, infused with Greg’s experience as a touring comic and sketch comedy writer and Andy’s career as an audio engineer for acts as diverse as John Mellencamp, Aerosmith, and Bob and Tom.
Laughter suppled, snacks not included.
Theme song “Let’s Hunt” courtesy of Jimi Ryser
When Greg’s dad was alive, he was an endless source of rants. Checking in with him was like uncorking a genie of angst—30 minutes of pure frustration directed at everything from junk mail to the cost of mulch to the absurd volume of acorns. In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, we start with one of his classic rants—this time about Hulu.
Meanwhile, Andy shares the one minor detail he forgot before his wedding: getting legally divorced. Turns out, being emotionally divorced isn’t enough for the Indiana judicial system. Who knew?
The guys also dive into the grandparent naming debate. Greg thinks kids should choose naturally. Andy’s mom, however, insisted on being called Grandma-Ma—because apparently, she thought she was in The Sound of Music. Speaking of which, Greg would rather watch almost anything else—including movies that don’t even exist yet.
Inspired by a book from Greg’s daughter, the guys compare their top 10 movies and music albums. Andy’s take on Greg’s list? “You sound like a toddler.” And Greg’s music taste? “Basically Dave Matthews’ Greatest Hits with a couple of Zeppelin tracks to throw me off.”
Andy also just went to a vinyl record show, where the entire place smelled like a mix of old cigarettes, weed, and Grandma’s attic. He even passed on one album because it reeked so badly. Greg wondered if it was a stop smoking album—maybe the original owner didn’t even finish it before the cigarettes took them out.
What made Andy’s top 10? What’s Greg’s actual worst movie of all time? And what’s the deal with kids and weird grandparent names? Tune in to Episode 58 for all this and more!
www.suburbspodcast.com
I honestly was laughing my ass off. omg so funny! You two are really great together!
Patti P., Indianapolis, IN
Really funny stuff. The timing between you two was excellent
Jim M. – Indianapolis, IN
Laugh out loud through the entire episode!
Bruce J., Lebanon, NJ
Fun stuff to hear! Engaging, enjoyable and most importantly entertaining!
Dobie M, Chicago, IL
Awesome! The dog part at the end put the cherry on top!
Kent C, Tulsa, OK
- Season 3 Episode 58 Sampler
In Episode 57, Andy was all about Jennifer’s search for the perfect wedding dress. But there’s one detail he forgot to mention: his one job for the wedding—get divorced.
Turns out, “emotionally divorced” doesn’t fly with the Indiana judicial system. Who knew? #Oops
Find out how it all unravels in Episode 58.
#WelcomeToTheSuburbs #EpicFail #IndianaWeddings #DivorceDrama
Listen now at www.suburbspodcast.com or wherever you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-3-episode-58-dads-rant-wedding-fails-and-top/id1669816704?i=1000701564585
- Dad’s Rant, Wedding Fails, and Top 10 Lists Gone Wrong
When Greg’s dad was alive, he was an endless source of rants. Checking in with him was like uncorking a genie of angst—30 minutes of pure frustration directed at everything from junk mail to the cost of mulch to the absurd volume of acorns. In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, we start with one of his classic rants—this time about Hulu.
Meanwhile, Andy shares the one minor detail to do before his wedding: getting legally divorced. Turns out, being emotionally divorced isn’t enough for the Indiana judicial system. Who knew?
The guys also dive into the grandparent naming debate. Greg thinks kids should choose naturally. Andy’s mom, however, insisted on being called Grandma-Ma—Greg’s question, does she think she’s in The Sound of Music? Speaking of which, Greg would rather watch almost anything else—including movies that don’t even exist yet.
Inspired by a book from Greg’s daughter, the guys compare their top 10 movies and music albums. Andy’s take on Greg’s list? “You sound like a toddler.” And Greg’s music taste? “Basically, Dave Matthews’ Greatest Hits with a couple of Zeppelin tracks to throw everyone off.”
Andy also just went to a vinyl record show, where the entire place smelled like a mix of old cigarettes, weed, and Grandma’s attic. He even passed on one album because it reeked so badly. Greg wondered if it was a stop smoking album—maybe the original owner didn’t even finish it before the cigarettes took them out.
What made Andy’s top 10? What’s Greg’s actual worst movie of all time? And what’s the deal with kids and weird grandparent names? Tune in to Episode 58 for all this and more!
Listen now at www.suburbspodcast.com or wherever you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-3-episode-58-dads-rant-wedding-fails-and-top/id1669816704?i=1000701564585
- Grandparenting Gone Wrong
Greg and Keely were on Day 3 of a six-day grandparenting experiment, babysitting their three-year-old granddaughter—and let’s just say it didn’t go as smoothly as past visits.
Greg, in an effort to be the fun grandpa, instead reduced his granddaughter to tears—multiple times.
The culprit? A toy cell phone and an unshakable commitment to realism.
Greg would answer the phone, then rattle off her Social Security number, PIN, and grandmother’s maiden name before pulling the phone away and asking:
“Did you order a John Deere tractor?”
She shook her head, terrified.
Still in character, Greg spoke into the thick orange and yellow plastic phone, loaded with Muppet-faced buttons:
“She says she didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments. No, I can’t use one. Our garden isn’t big enough, and we don’t plan on buying a farm.”
Cue: 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.
Keely laughed—until she didn’t.
“Grandpa, you’re scaring her.”
Lesson learned: Know your audience. Also, check your credit report after spending a night at Meemaw and Grandpa’s house.
🎧 Listen to Episode 57 of Welcome to the Suburbs:
🌐 Website: https://suburbspodcast.com/
🍏 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3ep-57-tears-tractors-bedazzled-wedding-dresses/id1669816704?i=1000699483007#PodcastComedy #FunnyGrandparents #ParentingFails #JohnDeere #ToyPhoneHorror #SuburbanLife #WelcomeToTheSuburbs
- Rosslyn Retreat Needs a Jingle
Andy is determined to get Greg to write lyrics for the Rosslyn Retreat Airbnb, promising that national recording artist Jimi Ryser will craft the melody. He’s convinced that once guests hear it, they’ll extend their stay.
Greg: “Our first guest asked for two extensions.”
Andy: “Extension cords?”
Greg: “Yeah. She wanted to fake her own death by hanging herself in the bathroom.”
Andy: “That’s hospitality. When your first guest dies by suicide. Hahahah Does your insurance cover that?”
Greg: “Only liability. If I’m there encouraging her to jump, we’re covered.”
Join us Episode 56 of Welcome to the Suburbs on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite podcast platform like Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-ep-56-fake-deaths-part-2-felon-wisdom-fast-food-nightmares/id1669816704?i=1000697379186
- Welcome to the Suburbs Blog: Home Is Where the Chaos Is
When I buy new fish for my tank, there are strict instructions for acclimating them to their new home. The process involves slowly adjusting the fish to the new water’s biology and temperature. You float them in a plastic bag like some kind of aquatic hostage situation, adding small amounts of tank water over time until, an hour and a half later, you release them without ransom—smooth, seamless, stress-free.
Coming home after log weekend get-a-way? No such program exists. One minute I’m nestled in a cocoon of love; the next, I’m being ripped from it like a trash panda in a dive bar dumpster.
Welcome Home! Hope You Like Surprises.
One of my greetings? A flooded basement. Five days prior, storms knocked out power to our neighborhood, and we walked in to the unmistakable perfume of swamp rot and despair. A foot of water in the basement. Lovely.
That wasn’t the first time. One trip, Keely turned off the water softener to save salt. Smart move. Unfortunately, our oldest child decided to live there while we were gone, leaving behind a scene that looked less like a temporary residence and more like a home invasion in progress. Lights on, TV humming, no one home. Every sink, toilet, and even the ice maker bore rust stains and the kind of funk that suggests law enforcement should be involved.
But this year? I knew the other shoe would drop. I just didn’t expect my sister to beat me senseless with it for 48 straight hours.
Borderline Personality Disorder: The Gift That Keeps the Gaslight flammable.
Dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is like athlete’s foot—you think you’ve killed it, and then it flares back up with a vengeance. Unlike the groundhog, which appears on schedule because its handler craves a little TV time, BPD episodes arrive without warning, logic, or regard for anyone else’s schedule.
It’s like Rhesus monkey cocaine button behavior—the dopamine hit from manufactured drama is too good to resist. The bigger the reaction, the higher the rush. And here I am, her personal pleasure device. Great. That makes me sound like some kind of rechargeable silicone wand.
She’s too self-absorbed to care that she’s dragging her kids—and mine—into her emotional Cirque du Soleil. I try to apply logic, but that’s the trap. Logic in a BPD showdown is about as useful as a seatbelt on a roller coaster that’s already gone off the tracks.
This is Episode 5 of ‘Subdividing the Lake House Master’—a Limited Series of Poor Decisions.
What If I Just… Use Facts?
In my latest role as the villain in her one-woman play, I dared to suggest that turning the master bedroom into a village of tiny bedrooms might be a bad idea. I explain why—to her kids, while copying her—because we all know that documenting conversations is a survival tactic and she brought them into this conversation.
Then, I showered and got ready for a funeral. Sadly, not hers.
Mid-shower, logic creeps back in again. What if I just… found an authoritative real estate website that proves no one in their right mind does this? I text my real estate friend, Rae asking if I can call her in 10 minutes, plug the funeral home address in Richmond, IN into Google Maps, and drive off at 10:00 AM, feeling like I’m really getting things done today.
On the drive we talk. Five minutes on real estate. The rest? Rae sharing her own horror stories of dealing with BPD relatives.
Wait… Why Am I in Cincinnati?
At 11:20 AM, I notice something strange: No Richmond signs. The funeral is at 11:30. I am not in Richmond. I am driving straight to Cincinnati.
Charlie Daniels once sang, “I think I’m gonna re-route my trip.
I wonder if anybody’d think I’d flipped
If I, went to LA via Omaha!”
Buddy, I get it now. Google took my brain hostage, and I just sat there, smiling and nodding like a willing participant in my own kidnapping.
Takeaways from my two-hour round trip to nowhere?
- According to real estate experts, no one actually subdivides their master bedroom. It’s such a bad idea that there’s no data on it.
- My sister is now claiming that turning the office into a bedroom would raise property taxes, a suggestion everyone has offered. BUT splitting the master won’t. Cue the sound of an entire group scratching their heads in unison.
Reality Check (Or Ticket to Another Universe?)
I pull a highly questionable U-turn in one of those police speed trap cutouts on the interstate, fully expecting to get a ticket.
Maybe he’d take pity on me and gibe me a one-way ticket… to LA via Omaha.
To hear more suburban absurdity, listen to Episode 56 of Welcome to the Suburbs click here to listen on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite podcast platform like Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-ep-56-fake-deaths-part-2-felon-wisdom-fast-food-nightmares/id1669816704?i=1000697379186