Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast

It’s like hanging out with two great friends on a road trip through life as they navigate ridiculous detours, side trips and pop culture experiences. Their humor and undeniable chemistry, comes from a two-decade friendship, infused with Greg’s experience as a touring comic and sketch comedy writer and Andy’s career as an audio engineer for acts as diverse as John Mellencamp, Aerosmith, and Bob and Tom. Laughter Supplied Snacks Not Included 

I honestly was laughing my ass off. omg so funny! You two are really great together!

Patti P., Indianapolis, IN

Really funny stuff. The timing between you two was excellent

Jim M. – Indianapolis, IN

Laugh out loud through the entire episode!

Bruce J., Lebanon, NJ

Fun stuff to hear! Engaging, enjoyable and most importantly entertaining!

Dobie M, Chicago, IL

Awesome! The dog part at the end put the cherry on top!

Kent C, Tulsa, OK
  • Setting Picks, Kayak Retaliation, and Faking Death Fails

    Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: “Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots.” But that doesn’t mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos.

    First up, Greg embraces his new role as “trailer guy”—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Greg’s latest revelation: “If you can drop 200K on a boat, maybe spring for the extra tire.”

    Traffic woes continue as Greg finds himself stuck behind the worst kind of suburban drivers—the ones who create their own lanes. Instead of sitting idly by, he takes matters into his own hands, pulling his 4-Runner and utility trailer onto the shoulder to block them. Andy dubs it “setting a pick.” Greg takes it a step further: “I did set a pick, but he rolled, and no one picked him up. So, he drove to the hoop.”

    Meanwhile, Rosslyn Retreat still needs a theme song. Andy suggests recruiting Jimi Ryser. Greg envisions a motion-activated musical greeting—”except guests would think they were walking into a raid.”

    The duo then reminisces about a recording session with Flo & Eddie of The Turtles, where backing vocals weren’t the only thing getting smoked. Andy reveals the session ended with a stand full of roaches—prompting Greg to compare it to today’s potent morning commutes: “A Graphix Bong couldn’t even handle that!”

    And finally, Greg recounts another lake house sibling saga—this time involving a kayak, winter storage, and the potential for petty revenge. Will he cut it into pieces and leave it in the bathroom? Or will a wind-up kayak in the toilet suffice?

    To wrap it all up, they dive into a series of faking death fails—from a botched Indy plane crash to a televangelist’s tragic aviation misadventure. Because if you’re going to fake your death, maybe don’t do it in a way that could actually kill you.

    Join Greg and Andy for another round of suburban absurdity, where traffic justice, family drama, and bizarre life choices all collide!

    Listen now on our website: https://suburbspodcast.com/

    Or on your favorite podcast platform like Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-3-episode-55-setting-picks-kayak-retaliation/id1669816704?i=1000693022593

  • Fondue, Fair Food, and the Culinary Questionable

    Recently, Andy and Jennifer met friends at a fondue restaurant. Jennifer, expecting a light evening of stabbing strawberries and marshmallows to dunk into chocolate, was shocked to find that the same “dip-and-devour” method applied to the main course as well. Chicken, beef, shrimp—speared and dipped into bubbling pots of cheese, oil, or broth. Fruit, it turned out, was just the grand finale.

    Greg’s take?

    “That sounds like training for one of those meat-on-a-stick restaurants. What did you dip the chicken in—chocolate? Throw a Snickers bar in, and congratulations, you’ve just created the latest deep-fried offering at the State Fair!”

    Andy dubbed it the Snicken on a stick—a dish so outrageous it deserves its own fried-food tent next to deep-fried butter and Kool-Aid pickles.

    Speaking of deep-fried fair insanity, have you ever heard of candied bacon donut sliders? Picture your favorite burger: cheese, lettuce, pickle, ketchup, mustard—now swap the bun for two glazed bacon donuts. Serve it with a side of fries and boom—you’ve just consumed your calorie intake for the next 48 hours.

    The tagline? “Why skip dessert when you can serve it on your burger?”

    Not to be outdone, Indiana’s Beef Cattle Association one-upped the madness with the Hot Beef Sundae—a true test of sheer commitment. Layers of mashed potatoes, marinated beef, gravy, that’s fried then topped with shredded cheese, corn “sprinkles” and a cherry… tomato.

    This isn’t just a meal—it’s a journey. It dares you to power through each bite, knowing full well that within an hour, you might be locked into a centrifugal force nightmare on the Scrambler. Only the bravest (or most reckless) fairgoers attempt both in the same afternoon. And for those who do? We salute you!

    And of course, no fair experience is complete without cheese on a stick, fresh-squeezed lemonade, and corndogs—all conveniently available in one chaotic, calorie-packed location.

    Feeling brave? Try eating that monstrosity and then hopping on the Tilt-A-Whirl or Wild Mouse. Just don’t invite Greg’s dad—he’s got enough concerns about roller coasters without the threat of fair food digestion.

  • The Tale of the Pink Trunks: A Turtle Encounter to Remember

    Sea turtles are nature’s gentle giants—slow and awkward on land, but underwater, they glide with poetic grace. Their faces, often adorned with a sweet, almost serene expression, suggest a mantra of peace, love, and goodwill. They coexist peacefully with other marine creatures, embodying the zen spirit of the ocean. But apparently, that harmony has its limits—specifically, when it comes to male tourists in pink swimming trunks.

    Yes, you read that right.

    In Florida, a curious and slightly hilarious phenomenon began unfolding during the tourist season. Reports started trickling in from male beachgoers who had ventured out for a casual snorkel or scuba dive, only to be… well, accosted by male loggerhead turtles. It started innocently enough—one call here, a strange story there. But soon, naturalists and marine biologists were fielding a flood of bizarre reports: men claiming they’d been roughed up by sea turtles.

    Now, if I’m a naturalist receiving one of these calls, my first thought is, “Sure, buddy. You’re just pulling my flipper.” But then another call comes in. And another. Suddenly, it’s not just a prank or an isolated incident—it’s a full-blown mystery begging for some serious investigation.

    Could turtles be pulling off the ultimate prank? Telepathically conspiring to target tourists with an oddly specific vendetta? Maybe they’d become extremely farsighted and confused a neon pink trunk for a fellow loggerhead? It seemed improbable. After all, even the squattiest, gruffest human male lacks that unmistakable armored appearance of a sea turtle.

    As it turns out, the answer was far simpler—and a whole lot funnier.

    The pink swimming trunks? They weren’t just a bold fashion choice. They were a mating trigger. Yes, the color pink somehow signaled to the male loggerheads that a potential mate was nearby. One minute, unsuspecting divers were marveling at the beauty of the undersea world, and the next, they were being… enthusiastically greeted by 350 pounds of amorous aquatic masculinity.

    Imagine returning from a relaxing dive only to explain that you’d been “picked up” by a sea turtle. It’s the kind of experience that might make even the most extroverted tourist reconsider their social life. I don’t know about you, but faced with the idea of sharing that kind of story, I might just take the path of least resistance and draw into my shell—so to speak.

    But hey, every vacation needs a story, right?

    Catch Season 3, Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs for all this and more—because suburban life is never boring. Listen to Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite platform, 🎧 like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-episode-54-were-at-loggerheads-with-dress-codes/id1669816704?i=1000688509771

  • Thrill Rides & Doom: A Day at the Amusement Park with Dad

    Going to an amusement park with my dad wasn’t just an outing. It was a psychological case study in real-time. If you were a behavioral scientist, you’d have taken notes and slipped him your card. If you were a thrill-seeker, you’d have been mildly offended. And if you were me? You’d have spent most of the day pretending not to be related to the guy pacing near the ride exits, muttering about faulty engineering and human error.

    To Dad, every ride was a death trap carefully designed to lure in the unsuspecting. Take The Wild Mouse, for instance. For those unfamiliar, this ride was essentially a bite-sized roller coaster-smaller cars, tighter turns, with twice the chaos. The speed combined with the abrupt, jerky movements made your stomach flip like a pancake. That was before the sharp corners that made you feel like you’d be flung into the parking lot.

    Everyone else on the ride? Screaming, laughing, having the time of their lives.

    Dad? Eyes narrowed, arms crossed, already predicting the one in a million chance a car would go careening off the track. If that ever did happen-despite years of engineering, maintenance checks, and the thousands of successful rides before ours-he wanted to be there to say, “See? I told you.”

    But his paranoia didn’t stop at The Wild Mouse. 

    The Scrambler? That door was going to fly open and catapult us into the next county.

    The roller coasters? Those were whiplash-inducing, spine-snapping lawsuits waiting to happen.

    The Ferris wheel? It would definitely break down when we were at the top, leaving us stranded like doomed adventurers clinging to a faulty rescue helicopter.

    The food? Forget it. For the price of a funnel cake, he could buy enough groceries to feed a small village.

    His idea of the perfect amusement park experience? The couch, for a nap with golf on the TV.

    Of course, despite all his complaints, he still came along. He still held the camera while I ran to the next ride. He still grumbled about ticket prices while fishing in wallet. And in some weird, roundabout way, that was how he showed he cared. Because for all his rants about safety hazards, he never let me go to the amusement park alone.

    It wasn’t just about the rides, it was about spending time together. Even if that time was spent with him making mental calculations about structural integrity while I screamed my head off on a death trap.

    And honestly? That’s a memory worth keeping.

    Listen to Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite platform, 🎧 like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-episode-54-were-at-loggerheads-with-dress-codes/id1669816704?i=1000688509771

  • We’re At Loggerheads with Dress Codes – Season 3, Episode 54

    Some people dream of magical vacations at Disney. Others, like Greg, just dream of leaving. While Disney superfans will argue that “it’s not just an amusement park,” Greg couldn’t agree more—because there’s nothing amusing about it. The narrow sidewalks, the questionable food, and rides that are more hype than thrill? Hard pass. Grace did find one redeeming factor: Minnie ears. But let’s be real—you can buy those online without paying for a park ticket.

    Speaking of attire, did you know Ruth’s Chris has a dress code? Andy sure does—now. Turns out, “pool attire” isn’t on the acceptable list. Who knew a nice steakhouse wouldn’t welcome a man in water wings? The restaurant industry remains full of surprises.

    Then there’s the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, where we have so many questions. Like, how did the Bangles get inducted before Jimmy Buffett and Foreigner? Apparently, shiny objects win over actual musical legacy. Are they judging artists on their catalog of hits or… the other kind of body of work?

    Meanwhile, Greg took a trip to the dermatologist, which ended in a thrilling game of Let’s Burn That Off With Liquid Nitrogen. The result? A massive blister that ultimately popped on Keely. Her reaction? “I’ll tolerate a lot, but I draw the line at blister juice.” Fair enough.

    So, if you love deep, thought-provoking discussions about dress codes, music snubs, and dermatological trauma, this episode is for you. Tune in to Season 3, Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs for all this and more—because suburban life is never boring. Listen to Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs on our website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite platform, 🎧 Listen now on your favorite podcast app like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s3-episode-54-were-at-loggerheads-with-dress-codes/id1669816704?i=1000688509771