Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast

Listeners tell us Welcome to the Suburbs is as polished and funny as a good morning radio show. We’ll take it.

Hosted by longtime friends Andy and Greg, Welcome to the Suburbs finds the humor in everyday life—the things we all see, experience, and think about, but don’t always stop long enough to notice.

Funny observations lead to unexpected conversations that rarely end up where they started. From marriage, parenting, and getting older to travel, technology, neighbors, and the increasingly strange world around us, nothing is off limits if there’s something funny to be found.

With professional audio, original comedy, and episodes that don’t overstay their welcome, Welcome to the Suburbs is the perfect podcast for listening while you’re running around in your car, heading to work, walking the dog, or wondering how your life got this complicated.

Funny observations. Unexpected conversations. A genuinely good time.

Welcome to the Suburbs.

I honestly was laughing my ass off. omg so funny! You two are really great together!

Patti P., Indianapolis, IN

Really funny stuff. The timing between you two was excellent

Jim M. – Indianapolis, IN

Laugh out loud through the entire episode!

Bruce J., Lebanon, NJ

Fun stuff to hear! Engaging, enjoyable and most importantly entertaining!

Dobie M, Chicago, IL

Awesome! The dog part at the end put the cherry on top!

Kent C, Tulsa, OK
  • Episode 98: Bad Obituaries, Worse Neighbors & a 5:50 AM Lawn Mower

    Death, driveway disasters, and the unwritten rules of suburban living.

    There’s a certain amount of drama you expect when you live in the suburbs. Property lines. Lawn maintenance. Neighbors who think the rules apply to everyone but them.

    But what happens when the neighborhood’s least popular resident dies, the obituary raises more questions than it answers, and the family appears to be celebrating before the week is over?

    Welcome to Episode 98 of Welcome to the Suburbs with Andy and Greg.

    A Death at the Lake and an Obituary to Forget

    It begins at Lake James, where flashing emergency lights outside a neighbor’s home set off a chain of speculation. When the obituary finally appears, Greg discovers that 66 years of life have been reduced to a few uninspired sentences.

    Apparently, the man worked at a park.

    Which park? Doing what? Was there anything else worth mentioning?

    Nobody knows.

    That leads Andy and Greg into the delicate business of writing obituaries, including Greg’s unforgettable experience with his brother’s ex-wife, who arrived at the funeral home carrying five single-spaced pages of material.

    The funeral director suggested it might make a nice eulogy.

    She was still working on that.

    The Unwritten Rules of Lawn Mowing

    From funeral etiquette, the conversation takes a sharp turn toward another sensitive suburban subject: What time is too early to mow your lawn?

    Greg has a neighbor who apparently believes 5:50 AM is perfectly acceptable.

    And he’s not mowing grass.

    He’s mowing a driveway made of rocks.

    With an electric lawn mower.

    While blasting music from his garage.

    It’s the kind of spectacle that makes you question everything you thought you knew about homeownership. Even Geoffrey, Greg’s Weimaraner, becomes so fascinated that he walks headfirst into a parked car.

    Welcome to the Neighborhood

    There are abandoned boats, an oversized tour bus, early-morning barbecue operations, and enough discarded household possessions to suggest the garage has surrendered.

    Andy and Greg explore the absurdity of everyday suburban life, where common courtesy is apparently optional and the neighbors provide an endless supply of entertainment.

    It’s observational comedy, family stories, neighborhood dysfunction, and the occasional inappropriate funeral joke.

    In other words, another perfectly normal episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.

    Listeners tell us Welcome to the Suburbs is like listening to a funny morning radio show. Without traffic and weather on the 9s.

    Just two guys swapping stories, finding humor in everyday life, and occasionally wondering how they got so far off topic.

    Listen to Episode 98 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or our website.

    Listen & Subscribe

    Our Website:
    www.suburbspodcast.com

    Apple Podcasts:
    Listen to Episode 98 on Apple Podcasts

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    Listen to Episode 98 on Spotify

  • Episode 96: Indiana Flooding, an Airbnb Evacuation & Uncle Stevie’s State Fair Stabbing

    Apparently, Indiana decided it had been a while since we experienced a biblical event.

    Episode 96 of Welcome to the Suburbs with Andy and Greg begins with rain. Lots of rain. The kind of rain that produces flash flood warnings, record river levels and makes you wonder whether the Midwest is attempting to return to its prehistoric status as an inland sea.

    In the middle of the Indianapolis flooding, residents of Rocky Ripple were told to evacuate as flood gates were closing. At 1:30 in the morning, Greg received an instant Airbnb booking at Rosslyn Retreat from a couple fleeing their home.

    There was only one problem.

    Greg was asleep.

    They messaged asking for the door code. Greg remained asleep.

    Eventually, they slept in their car.

    So naturally, Andy has questions. Most importantly: Are you giving them a refund?

    Yes. Greg has a heart. Even if apparently he can sleep through an Airbnb notification during a natural disaster.

    Meanwhile, at the Indiana State Fair…

    Nothing says summer in Indiana quite like the Indiana State Fair: livestock, midway rides, roasted corn, glazed donuts and, apparently, an alleged stabbing involving a box cutter.

    Andy brings the story of a worker at a roasted sweet corn stand who allegedly became involved in an argument with his nephew over giving away free corn. The disagreement escalated, police became involved, and “Uncle Stevie” eventually found himself accused of stabbing his nephew before leaving the Indiana State Fairgrounds.

    But the story wasn’t finished.

    Police used the tracking system associated with home detention to locate him. Investigators eventually found him hiding in the attic of an Indianapolis home, while a box cutter was reportedly recovered from a vehicle at the property.

    And that’s when Andy and Greg do what Andy and Greg do.

    The conversation wanders through ankle monitors, attic hiding places, State Fair carnies, saltwater taffy, enormous pigs, police interviews and the culinary crime that may be even harder to explain:

    Using a glazed donut as a hamburger bun.

    Some things simply shouldn’t happen.

    Episode 96 also manages to find room for Dire Straits, Billy Strings, John Mayer, Civil Defense drills, Peyton Manning, Tony Romo and the important revelation that Welcome to the Suburbs is closing in on Episode 100.

    It’s another trip through the news, neighborhoods and everyday absurdities of suburban life.

    Listen to Episode 96 of Welcome to the Suburbs with Andy and Greg:

    Website:
    www.sububurbspodcast.com

    Apple Podcasts:
    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/indiana-flooding-an-airbnb-evacuation-uncle-stevies/id1669816704?i=1000790923933

    Spotify:
    https://open.spotify.com/episode/5PwZ2nCXFLwbmaP1SjMpsy?si=t9CXftdJToKU1uXNGQ4tew

    Remember: laughter is contagious. Help us spread it by telling a friend.

  • Laundromat Economics, HOA Wars & The Great Easement Mystery

    Welcome to the Suburbs — Season 4, Episode 95

    How does a trip to the laundromat turn into an investigation at the county recorder’s office?

    Give Greg enough time.

    Episode 95 starts with one of those little financial discoveries adulthood keeps handing you: when did doing laundry at a laundromat get so expensive?

    Greg heads there with a mountain of laundry from Rosslyn Retreat, figuring he can throw everything into multiple machines, get some work done and be finished in record time.

    Efficiency.

    Until he starts feeding twenties into the change machine.

    Suddenly quarters are pouring out like he’s playing a slot machine, and Greg realizes he probably should have brought a pillowcase just to carry his winnings. Of course, unlike Vegas, when you hit the jackpot at the laundromat, you leave with clean comforters.

    Then Andy makes the mistake of asking Greg about being an HOA president.

    And we’re off.

    At the lake, Greg has been dealing with neighbors, community property and an easement that apparently brings out the very best in everyone.

    There are chainsaws.

    There are police calls over sawdust.

    There’s a neighbor scattering grass seed.

    There’s Roundup.

    There’s an Audi attempting to launch a jet ski over a seawall.

    And there’s an HOA president who, despite Andy’s recommendations, still does not own a scepter or an orb.

    Eventually, the neighborhood dispute comes down to one fairly important question:

    Who actually owns the easement?

    One neighbor claims he went to the county and learned that the county owns it.

    So Greg does what any reasonable person would do.

    He asks Geoffrey if he wants to go for a car ride.

    A visit to the county recorder’s office leads Greg to the neighborhood’s original 1949 plat, a giant book that apparently hasn’t been opened since the Ark of the Covenant was put into storage, and finally to the assessor’s office and a guy named Tony.

    Tony has the answer.

    And Greg discovers that sometimes being HOA president means doing actual investigative journalism simply because somebody in the neighborhood said something at a meeting.

    It’s another trip through suburban America with Andy and Greg, where a conversation about breakfast bagels can eventually involve law enforcement, property records and someone secretly recording an HOA meeting with a phone case that opens like a book.

    Listen to Season 4, Episode 95 of Welcome to the Suburbs.

    🎧 Listen on the Welcome to the Suburbs website:
    www.suburbspodcast.com

    🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts:
    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-4-episode-95-laundromat-economics-hoa-wars-the/id1669816704?i=1000788288887

    🎧 Listen on Spotify:
    https://open.spotify.com/episode/6ZV8Zr5NlFPWleg6iZykiQ?si=p31SuuuQTtOsBJZDNErRQg

    Laughter is contagious. Help us spread it by telling a friend.

  • Season 4 Episode 94: Scissors in an Uber, Cucumber Conversations & Florida Family Chaos

    There are conversations married couples have.

    Money. Kids. Work. What’s for dinner.

    Apparently, there are also cucumber conversations.

    Greg discovered this when his neighbor Marie appeared at the front door carrying two containers filled with cucumbers from her garden. She was there to see Keely because, as Marie explained, the two of them had previously discussed the cucumbers.

    Greg knew nothing about this.

    Which seemed to concern Marie.

    Suddenly, what should have been a simple vegetable delivery began to feel like evidence of a communication breakdown in Greg’s marriage.

    If you don’t know why your wife is expecting cucumbers, are you even really married?

    That’s about where Season 4, Episode 94 of Welcome to the Suburbs begins.

    And things don’t become more normal from there.

    Five Months Is a Perfectly Reasonable Response Time

    Andy takes us back to March and a Heart concert at the Fishers Event Center.

    While trying to arrange parking through the ParkWhiz app, he ran into a problem entering his vehicle information. So he did what any reasonable customer would do.

    He contacted support.

    Then he waited.

    And waited.

    Heart played the concert.

    Spring passed.

    Summer arrived.

    Finally, on August 13, Andy received a response apologizing for the delay and asking whether he still needed assistance.

    At that point, the parking problem had become less of a technical issue and more of an archaeological discovery.

    One Star for the Passenger With the Scissors

    From there we move naturally—as all good conversations do—from parking apps to Uber etiquette and a news story involving two friends, an Uber ride, beer and a pair of scissors.

    According to the story Andy brings to the show, a Miami woman became angry after being told she couldn’t drink beer in the rideshare vehicle. During the argument, she allegedly pulled scissors from her bag and stabbed her friend.

    Which raises several questions.

    Most importantly:

    Why did she have scissors?

    And what kind of Uber rating does stabbing your fellow passenger earn?

    Greg settles on one star.

    Seems fair.

    Things You Probably Shouldn’t Take Through Airport Security

    Scissors inevitably lead to a discussion about airport security.

    Greg once received the full TSA treatment because his tube of toothpaste was too large.

    Andy did considerably better.

    He accidentally arrived at airport security with a Swiss Army knife hidden in a side pocket of his backpack.

    A Swiss Army knife he had actually purchased in Switzerland.

    It did not make the flight.

    This leads to a discussion of everything contained in a Swiss Army knife, including the tiny saw, tweezers and—among all those potentially useful survival tools—a toothpick.

    Because apparently after surviving alone in the wilderness, personal dental hygiene remains important.

    The Great VHS Movie Marathon

    Eventually we arrive in Florida, where Andy recently visited his parents.

    His father spent years recording hundreds of movies on VHS. More than a decade ago, his parents decided they were going to watch all of them.

    Every single one.

    As each movie is watched, the tape gets thrown away.

    They are now down to the final handful.

    The truly impressive part may not be that they have nearly completed the mission.

    They still have a working VHS player.

    That leads Andy and Greg into musicals, West Side Story, The Sound of Music and Greg discovering—apparently later in life than most people—that the Von Trapp family was real.

    This revelation does not improve his opinion of The Sound of Music.

    And Then Mom Took Control of the Diet Coke

    A visit with Andy’s parents in Florida also means food.

    Breakfast.

    Lunch.

    Dinner.

    And very little time between them.

    One afternoon the family heads to a tiki hut for lunch, where what should have been a simple meal gradually unravels.

    Andy’s mother gets a lemonade she doesn’t like.

    Then another lemonade she doesn’t like.

    Someone gets the wrong fries.

    The restaurant responds by apparently bringing enough replacement fries to feed most of Florida.

    Then the waiter innocently brings Andy’s father another Diet Coke.

    Andy’s mother looks at it.

    “What’s that?”

    The waiter explains that it’s a Diet Coke.

    Her response:

    “He doesn’t need that.”

    Dad wisely says nothing.

    Sometimes surviving a long marriage isn’t about communication.

    Sometimes it’s knowing exactly when communication should stop.

    Listen to Season 4, Episode 94

    So this week we’ve got mysterious cucumbers, a five-month customer-service response, scissors in an Uber, TSA toothpaste enforcement, a confiscated Swiss Army knife, RadioShack nostalgia, VHS tapes, musicals, Florida family meals and one Diet Coke that never stood a chance.

    In other words, another completely ordinary episode of Welcome to the Suburbs with Andy and Greg.

    You can listen to our podcast on our website:
    thesuburbspodcast.com

    Listen on Apple Podcasts:
    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-4-episode-94-scissors-in-an-uber-cucumber/id1669816704?i=1000785532725

    Listen on Spotify:
    https://open.spotify.com/show/2ucb4V4CE5mn3zv4FsdRfx?si=827e477edd65499e

  • ChatGPT Dream Analysis, Weird Dreams & Shady Podcast Promoters | Episode 93

    What does it mean when your dream includes your mother, a groundhog, a possum, a tornado, a destroyed house and a dead neighbor?

    Obviously, you ask ChatGPT.

    In Season 4, Episode 93 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Greg brings Andy along for a trip through one particularly strange night of sleep—and an interpretation that becomes considerably more meaningful than either of them expected.

    Then they meet Ella and Ling Con.

    Things go downhill from there.

    What Does ChatGPT Think a Weird Dream Means?

    Greg’s dream begins innocently enough. Keely comes home from work. Geoffrey gets up to greet her. Greg falls back asleep.

    Except now he’s dreaming about being asleep.

    His mother appears, confused and lost as she was during her years with dementia. Then a groundhog enters the bedroom. Followed by a possum. Followed by another unidentified Midwestern animal.

    Because apparently Greg’s subconscious operates a wildlife refuge.

    Things get stranger when the house begins morphing into Greg’s childhood home. The ceiling is gone. Rain pours through the insulation. Outside, a tornado has devastated the neighborhood. A car is upside down in a retention pond.

    Somehow, Greg slept through the whole thing.

    After waking up, he wrote down the dream and asked ChatGPT to help him make sense of it.

    What came back wasn’t simply an explanation of runaway wildlife.

    The interpretation touched on caregiving, grief, childhood, responsibility, the loss of Greg’s parents and the emotional work involved in finishing his memoir, Measured Breaths.

    That gives Andy and Greg something they don’t usually spend much time discussing: whether artificial intelligence can be useful for understanding our own thoughts.

    Using AI Without Asking It to Think for You

    Greg also explains how he uses ChatGPT while editing Measured Breaths.

    He isn’t asking AI to write the book.

    Instead, he uses it as another set of eyes—looking for repetition, identifying ideas that have already appeared elsewhere in the manuscript and questioning whether something is working.

    That leads to a larger conversation about AI, therapy, emotional intelligence and the difference between asking technology to think for you and using it to help you think.

    Which is about as serious as Welcome to the Suburbs is allowed to get before somebody needs to ruin it.

    Fortunately, some professional podcast promoters arrive right on schedule.

    Want 20,000 Podcast Downloads? Meet Ella.

    The Welcome to the Suburbs Facebook page recently received a message from a woman named Ella offering professional podcast marketing services.

    There’s just one problem.

    Greg has spent more than 25 years working in digital marketing.

    So instead of simply accepting promises of podcast growth, he starts asking questions.

    How will results be measured?

    Can she provide references?

    What exactly does the $250 monthly fee buy?

    And why does her Facebook profile look like it was created five minutes ago?

    Ella eventually makes quite an offer: 20,000 monthly downloads, 1,000 real subscribers, a Top 50 position on the Apple Podcasts charts and “organic” five-star ratings and reviews from real listeners.

    Greg remains unconvinced.

    Then another podcast promotion expert appears.

    Nine Hope You’re Well

    His name is Ling Con.

    And Ling Con would also like to promote Welcome to the Suburbs.

    He begins his pitch with a greeting that immediately inspires confidence:

    “Nine hope you’re well.”

    Ling Con promises real podcast listeners and offers a three-day free trial of his podcast promotion services.

    There’s another small problem.

    He wants Greg to send him a link to the podcast.

    The same podcast whose Facebook page Ling Con used to contact Greg.

    Greg explains that three days isn’t remotely long enough to evaluate a legitimate digital marketing strategy.

    Ling Con agrees.

    Which raises an obvious question about the three-day trial Ling Con just offered.

    Before long, Greg and Andy are discussing WhatsApp, drug dealers, Star Trek, nine holes of golf and the time Greg’s daughter Carly spelled “cat”:

    C-A-nine.

    We never claimed this was an educational podcast.

    Listen to Welcome to the Suburbs Season 4, Episode 93

    This week, Andy and Greg wander from bizarre dreams and ChatGPT dream interpretation into grief, memoir writing, artificial intelligence, digital marketing and suspicious podcast promotion offers.

    In other words, a perfectly normal trip through the suburbs.

    Listen to Season 4, Episode 93 of Welcome to the Suburbs and subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode.

    You can listen to our podcast on our website: suburbspodcast.com

    Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/season-4-episode-93-chatgpt-analyzes-gregs-dream-shady/id1669816704?i=1000781956849

    Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0kqYzG4TjNHgfBfvu3K96A?si=d05zA5S-RaiB2ySH90T32g

    Our anywhere you you listen to your favorite podcasts.

    Because laughter is contagious. Help us spread it by telling a friend.