Have you ever started your day with peace and ended it with a stink bug in your mouth? In Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Greg shares a hilariously unexpected twist to his morning meditation routine that’s equal parts gross and funny.
Greg: My morning routine, 7 days a week, begins at 5:30 AM. I drink 24 ounces of water, feed and walk the pup, then meditate for half an hour. This week, as I’m counting down with a deep breath in and a deep breath out, a stink bug flew in my mouth.
They’re loud when they fly, like one of those old Cox airplanes from the ’70s. He was all fueled up for a spin around the house when he crash-landed into my mouth. I was feeling peace, love, and a dry heave when he hit the back of my throat.
Andy: How did he taste?
Greg: Tastes like chicken.
Andy: I think the bigger question is, why do you have stink bugs in your house?
Greg: He seemed cold outside, so I let him in to warm up. Then he invited 10 friends, and they invited 10 friends. The next thing I knew, it was like a high school party that got out of hand while the parents are out of town.
Seriously? I think they hitch a ride on the firewood. Like the people who hide in the wheel well of a jet on the runway—without the change in altitude or air pressure.
Have you ever grabbed one to throw it outside?
Andy: No.
Greg: They are aptly named. It’s hard to get that stink off. I looked it up once because it’s so funky. Scientists think this odor helps protect the bugs against predators. As opposed to what, attracting a mate? Yum, that boy is extra smelly. I’d unload a clutch of eggs for that boy anytime. I think I love him!
Some species can actually spray the chemical several inches! I need to find out what that kind looks like and send some in a box to my sister.
Andy: So, what’d you do?
Greg: After I vomited, I brushed my teeth twice and gargled with Listerine.
Now our listeners know what to do if they ever have a stink bug fly in their mouth.
Want to hear more hilariously relatable stories? Listen to Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs on website https://suburbspodcast.com/ or your favorite platform, like Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/welcome-to-the-suburbs/id1669816704
